Tears in Heaven

2001.03.18

Original link:   http://article.rongshuxia.com/viewart.rs?aid=160103

It was with a vacillant heart that I walked to and fro on the corridor. The sky being covered with lead clouds, the uneven cement ground, the lower parts of which contained the remnant of the rainfall of last night, looked so dull and spiritless. Looking down, I saw the windows of the occupied classroom, behind which you sat. Though the mist on the window obstructed me of the sight of you, my heart coundn't help beating fast at the thought that you was just there, no further than a stride.

But this stride I could not exceed. I dreaded the sight of you, for I fear you were not the one I had known; I dreaded the 'hi' I must say if we met, for I fear you might not recognize my so greatly changed face. 'Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven. Would you be the same, if I saw you in Heaven.' Never could I understand the lyrics of 'Tears in Heaven' better than now.

Three years. All wounds should have been healed, all the lingering affection should have diluted, but the undisciplined heart of mine never managed to excel the phantom of your shadow. Maybe all will be solved if we meet, friend or no friend, lover or no lover, but I just don't have the courage. I can't deceive myself that this feeling is not love, but my love is silent. If I speak it out, I may lose the treasure of your friendship which I value so much.

The pale sun finally passed the blockade, shedding down the dusk glow. With a long shadow before me, I started the way home.